How do I pack my entire life into two suitcases and a carry on? Well, I don’t. Five suitcases, four space bags, many reconfigurations, and lots of stress later, I feel happy to go two years before I have to do that again.
Since accepting my new position in April, I have had months to plan and prepare what I needed and how I’d get it to my new home across the globe. Instead, I spent that time obsessing over Mongolia and all the things I could learn about it. Fast forward to August, a week before I leave, and I knew all about the nomadic lifestyle of the Mongolian people but I had zero belongings in my suitcases. After dragging my feet, I finally succeeded in getting clothes, toiletries, shoes, tech, etc., packed and ready to go.
Honestly, I think the reason why I kept procrastinating my packing was because I felt like I had so much time left. However, time snuck up on me and, while having to deal with my last goodbyes, my final In n Out and Taco Bell meals, I was having to spend my time preparing and planning at the last minute. The stress of packing, dealing with overweight bags and having to sacrifice items of clothing and shoes added to the already overwhelming and conflicting feelings I was having.
The week before I left was full of emotions. I felt excitement for my new journey and growth opportunities, but I also felt sad because I knew I was going to miss my mom, friends, and family. I was nervous because I knew I’d experience culture shock and homesickness, especially at first, but looking forward to my upcoming cultural immersion. I was confused at first because I didn’t want my excitement to take away from the time I had left with my loved ones, and I did not want my sadness to overtake my joy. It was hard balancing these emotions and trying to keep it together. My confusion and conflict only added to my stress.
After conversations with my mom and amazing friends, I realized it was okay to feel all of the feelings. It was freeing to lean into my feelings rather than just avoiding them. I wish I could go back and change things now, such as giving myself more time to pack, not guilting myself for natural feelings, and especially spending more time with my mom. Now that I am settling into my new home in Ulaanbaatar, I am still having conflicting feelings, but I am reminding myself that it is okay!
It is human to be scared to take a jump, but excited for where you land.
-Michael
Chalkboard Trailblazer 